The Breakup That Saved Me

I didn’t leave Christianity because I hated God.

I left because I couldn’t feel God’s love back.

The Christian God I grew up with was psychotic. Insecure. Violent. Possessive. Played favorites. Demanded devotion. And used threats and rewards to manipulate his children into obedience.

What kind of parent pits one child against another?

What kind of creator puts all his children on the earth, and then tells some of his children to go slaughter, rape, and pillage the others?

I watched people worship a God who demanded blind obedience, refused to let them eat from the tree of the wisdom, threatened punishment, and sanctioned violence of all kinds—and still had the audacity to call it “love.”

You’ve probably seen the video of all kinds of ants in a jar peaceful, but as soon as you shake the jar up, they start attacking one another. That’s how I see the God of the bible. An instigator of violence. No wonder we are all at war!

I couldn’t reconcile it, and I was done silencing my gut to fit into something that didn’t feel safe or loving.

So I left.

When the God You Were Raised with Is a Psychopath

It felt like the worst breakup… because I did love God, much like how a child loves their abusive parent. Looking back, I see I was in love with the love-bombing phase of a Christianity, of being told God loved me so much that he died for me, not realizing the fucked up psychologically of killing your own child for someone else, or how the fear of punishment is a death trap!

When I left the religion, I heard my Soul tell me, “Get in touch with your body and nature because this is where you power is. How antithetical to the God I was raised with who told me my body was born broken. That my heart was wicked. That my feminine nature was dangerous. That even the good things I did were disgusting in His sight.

That theology doesn’t lead to healing — it leads to shame and disembodiment. It leads to spiritual dissociation, where you’re constantly outsourcing your authority, your intuition, your love, your power to some being outside of you.

But the real spiritual path? The real walk with Christ is the embodiment of the Christed (anointed) consciousness already in us.

We are God walking around, and our walk reveals how much of the Divine we’re actually embodying.

When I started mapping the language of my body — the pain, the illnesses, the patterns — I realized something profound: every message was from Love. Even the broken bones. Even the hip replacement. Even the failing health. None of it was punishment. It was all communication-the result of me walking away from the divine consciousness within myself.

And look — I’m not here to shame anyone. Most of us walked away from love because the “god” we were taught was not loving. Even those of us not raised in religion still feel the ripple effects of the lack of sensitivity we were raised with, and we internalized a version of God that mirrors the dysfunction we were raised in.

Don’t believe me? What’s the most common reason for not believing in a loving God? “ If God is love, why do bad things happen?”

We have been conditioned to believe that pain is punishment instead of cry for love, and so we run from being seen because we run from the fear of punishment. And the structures of society are here to keep us in the fear program of never being good enough, never having enough, and always needing to work a little bit harder to prove yourself.

So the real Spiritual awakening is the awakening of sensitivity!

It’s reclaiming the ability to feel again — not just pain, but what brings us to life.

It reminds me of the Genesis story. Adam and Eve in the garden. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But in the original text, it’s actually the tree of understanding what is pleasing and unpleasing. Basically — what brings life and what doesn’t.

You mean to tell me a loving God whose image I’m made in wants me dumbed down? AND is going punish me later for not understanding? AND is going to kill their child for me because I was kept from being able to understand?

Why would a loving God want to keep us from the knowledge of what brings us to life? Why would he set us up for failure?

The awakening of the Divine Feminine

Eve had the first awakening. She questioned the story. She ate the fruit of wisdom. That wasn’t sin — that was initiation. That was Eve reclaiming her own conscience and power as a sovereign creator!

And that’s what’s happening now: women around the world are remembering their true nature as sensitive creators who naturally carry the codes for morality and life inside of them.

And let’s be real — the story of a male God creating a man first, putting him to sleep, and magically pulling a woman from his rib? Cute, but whack!

Men come from women. PER-I-OD!

Every. Single. One.

Religions are made up by the men who are jealous of the Divine Feminine and need justification to knock them down, take credit for her work, vilify self-awareness, all the while labeling women as traitors for not submitting to the unnatural order.

The truth of sensitivity (and the destruction that follows when we ignore sensitivity) is rising in all of us. As it rises, we’re watching men drag patriarchal programming into the spiritual and healing worlds by trying to lead what they don’t have the embodied intelligence to steward.

EXCUSE ME?!

Why the fuck are men leading something that is innately feminine?

Women are barely remembering who they are, barely getting their footing, and men think that they got this figured in already?!

That they can get in front of women again to show us how to do what is innately feminine?

To sell our own power back to us?

Imma say this with my chest out, all ten toes grounded: Men cannot steward spirituality and healing without feminine guidance because they do not naturally carry the holy discernment women do.

Let’s be clear: if men were capable of guiding women and caring for humanity’s needs, then a world catered to their male dominated energy would have created it already.

But they didn’t because the CANNOT!

Instead they demonized the feminine power, and prostituted her energy to build up their own power.

And that’s why we see so much abuse in the spiritual and healing world, because we’re allowing men (and women) who have not been initiated into sensitivity to take up leadership roles.

This looks like the commodification of “plant medicine” without the depth of mind, body, soul preparation before and after.

This looks like the tantric fuck boy selling “no one person can meet your needs” because he still hasn’t healed his Divine Mommy issues and therefore does not understand secure attachment.

This looks like the tantric sacred whores and priestesses who prostitute their feminine energy in the name of “healing” before teaching a man how to heal is Divine Mommy issues and attune to her with absolute reverence.

This looks like the “experts” who have memorized the content, postures, movements, but their own lives do not reflect the purity of what they teach, nor do their students.

Where is the sacred atunement? Where is the slow and reverent preparation to meet your shadow? To meet your God?

The Misaligned Masculine in “Spiritual” Communities

This is about cultivating actual sensitivity — the ability to bring something to life. And frankly, men don’t have that innately. That’s why they’re mimicking what they see in the feminine.

I’ve experienced it firsthand. A man in our community, a self-proclaimed “medicine man,” once tried to help me “process my anger with men.” But what he really did was defend male behavior, invalidate feminine rage, twist my words, and turn it all around on women.

In the same conversation, he told me his ex — a psychiatrist — called him a narcissist. And it clicked. He wasn’t here to heal. He was here to protect his image. To look like the hero while doing none of the actual work.

A year went by and he wins a face reading with me — one he didn’t need because he had already taken my face reading course and had his full body read by one of my training students. But I thought, “Maybe he’s ready to see this time.”

Then had the audacity to ask if I’d do a peyote “prayer” ceremony with him, to which I said “There’s no way I’m doing a ceremony with a man who twists my words, is a self-proclaimed narcissist, and has done nothing to rebuild trust. You have no idea if I need the ceremony, if I’m in a space to be able to handle one. No intake form. But you want me to completely open my energy field to you?”

When a man invites me into a medicine ceremony—without repairing the trust between us, without asking whether I need or want that kind of vulnerability—I see it for what it is:

Another act of spiritual numbness.

Another attempt to bypass the real work of listening, of owning harm, of being worthy of communion.

It’s not healing to open someone’s energy field when they don’t feel safe with you.

It’s not healing to hand out ceremonies like over the counter prescriptions.

It’s not healing to call it “prayer” when you haven’t done the soul work to hold space for what that prayer might open.

And I’m done pretending that it is.

That is spiritual ego and spiritual rape-a harvesting of the feminine energy without reverence for the stewardship of it.

Men Must Learn from the Feminine

It’s time men stop inserting themselves into spiritual and healing spaces as leaders when they haven’t earned the right to lead.

If you have not made space for the feminine to teach you—if you do not sit at her feet and ask to understand her—then you have no business guiding anyone.

Because what you’re doing is not spiritual.

It’s just patriarchy in feathers and beads.

It’s colonialism with a sage stick.

Men must take a seat to listen and learn.

From the woman.

From the creator.

From the source that gives life and codes the next generation.

Sensitivity Is the Moral Code, the Walk with God

The Bible’s God is no different than the patriarchal structures in place now that are unwilling to look at the harm unchecked male energy has caused.

Sensitivity is discernment.

Sensitivity is intelligence.

Sensitivity is the moral codekeeper of this planet.

And women are the sensitivity.

It’s what allows us to feel what is alive and what is not.

It’s what allows us to birth and grow and nourish and embody God.

The New Earth we’re making is based on the moral codes built within us, and that requires emotional and spiritual attunement, which are innately feminine traits.

The feminine is not here to be a muse or an accessory.

Her womb is the portal for spirits to come in.

Her body is encoded to guide life from beginning to end.

She doesn’t perform creation—she is creation.

The Feminine Codes the Future

We, the feminine, are coding life itself.

This is DNA. This is epigenetics. This is the shaping of what’s to come.

This is why we are sensitive so that we can be sure to accept only the hightest of standards to ensure a pure and strong lineage.

If we lower our standards, we corrupt the lineage.

If we compromise our moral compass, we encode distortion and dysfunction into the future.

We cannot afford to accept less than sacredness anymore.

We are here to birth something worth inheriting.

And so we rise—not to dominate, but to protect.

Not to punish, but to remember.

We are the moral compass.

We are the love of God made flesh.

And we will stand on our Holy Business, 10 toes down!

BODY ARCHETYPES — A CALL TO LISTEN

Before we can lead, we must listen.

Your body is not random.

It is shaped by the stories you’ve survived.

It holds the whispers of your ancestors, the echoes of your choices,

the burdens you’ve carried, and the brilliance you’ve buried.

This is not about fixing your body.

It’s about hearing it.

It’s about becoming a student of Her— the Divine Feminine within the fascia, the Spirit tucked beneath skin and expressed through breath, the God who walks with you, as you.

In Body Archetypes, we learn the sacred art decoding divine design in every curve, every contraction, every cry for rest.

To trace the language of e-motion through the muscles, joints, and posture.

Not to judge, but to understand.

To remember who you were before the world told you otherwise.

Become a student of your sacred form. We start May 4.

Sign up with a friend, and you both get 50% off enrollment!