How to Stop Manifesting Your Own Worst Fear

Tomorrow I’m teaching on how we are MADE FOR MORE and I’m over here questioning whether the Great Mother actually loves me-or if I should just jump off a cliff. FACTS!

Let me explain.

I spent New Year’s Eve last night in a sound healing journey. (Yes, this was when the New Year used to be celebrated—when the NEW LIFE of Spring arrived.) The music softened my heart, opening me up to feel the feels around reconciliation with my mom.

I realized there’s still a story inside me that I’m subconsciously believing:

🚨 The Great Mother does not love me.

🚨 I am still earning Her love.

I tell myself She doesn’t love me because I am still struggling to be recognized and valued for my work.

I tell myself She doesn’t love me because people doing “less” (with less integrity than me) have full calendars and full accounts.

I tell myself She doesn’t love me because She watches me struggle alone—just like when my mother recently admitted she felt my suffering but stayed silent.

And then it hit me.

These stories are echoes of my childhood:

❌ Not being acknowledged.

❌ Not feeling good enough.

❌ Feeling like I’m living in a goddamn deficit while people watch me suffer from the sidelines.

Then it rose up again—the hatred.

I thought hatred had been replaced by forgiveness. What is this?

I’ve done enough work to recognize that hatred is really love inside me saying, “I don’t feel safe.”

So I let the hatred rip through me. No resolution. No aha moment. Just tears and wondering why the fuck I’m here and if I should just jump off a cliff.

Listen—I’ve been here before with suicidal ideations. It doesn’t scare me anymore because I’m not actually going to kill myself.

When these thoughts come, they mean something inside of me is done with this shit. Something is ready to jump the fuck off the cliff and be liberated.

I fell asleep to visions of myself free-falling—crashing into the rocks below. And in some twisted way, that thought comforted me. Not because I want to die. But because I saw myself free.

And then—2 AM. I wake up in tears.

My mind is already flooding with thoughts. And in the quiet, my inner voice whispers:

“You’re really not buying everything your mom said… and you’re afraid to say that out loud. Because what if she abandons you again? What if all this effort you’re putting in now is a waste of time?”

💥 Oh. My. Goddess. 💥 That’s exactly it!

And then my Soul reminds me of the Resentment & Forgiveness practice we did in The Source Code for Unity Consciousness.

I remembered:

✨ The fears that caused me to compromise myself

✨ Were the choices that led to painful situations.

✨ And how every fear I let lead me—ended up being the thing I manifested.

The truth was clear:

👉 I could be right about what I feel.

👉 I could be wrong about what I feel.

👉 But if I do NOT express what I feel, I am abandoning MYSELF and will FOR SURE experience the very thing I’m avoiding.

And if I abandon myself? Then my mother is in a relationship with a fake version of me.

Because here’s the thing— Every single time I stuffed down my truth to “save” the relationship… I was allowing disease to fester, and disease KILLS!!!

🔥 Either live the lie and get abandoned now by yourself and likely later by the other—or tell the truth and see what happens. 🔥

So through my tears, I left a voice note for my mom:

“I’m scared. I’m scared that if I tell you what I really feel, you’re going to leave me. And at the same time, I am no longer willing to lie to myself.”

And guess what?

She told me she was scared, too.

She told me she is committed to doing the hard work.

She told me she is ready to hear my truth.

Here’s what I understand:

❌ When we abandon ourselves, we end up being the fake in the relationship.

❌ It’s easy to blame others and say, “They did this to me.”

✅ But the real truth? Most of the time, we did it to ourselves—by not standing up for what we felt inside.

Tomorrow inside The Sanctuary I’m teaching the Source Code: MADE FOR MORE, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite go-to’s for preparing the nervous system for expansion… because you are made for more.

And when you stop selling yourself short of the love you deserve—when you stop faking how you feel, you get more.