What Happened to the Boys? A New Lens on Male Aggression and Sexual Behavior

There’s a sacred anger I had to meet inside myself before I could meet men with compassion.

Years ago, I found myself in the forest, raging. I wasn’t performing rage—I was in it. Crying out to my higher self—who I swear is a spiritual gangster, a bold black woman with a truth-telling tongue—I told her, I hate men. Not in a superficial way, but in the way that lives deep in the bones of women who have witnessed and survived too much.

Men were hurting people. Women. Children. Each other. Statistics backed the ache in my belly: 90% of women and 80% of girls have experienced sexual violence. The perpetrators? Most often someone they knew. Someone they trusted. Someone male.

Our prisons are filled with men. War zones are filled with men. And even those not caught in the system are still, in many cases, caught in a system of inner violence with men making up 80% of all suicides because they cannot deal with life. I could no longer ignore it. But my higher self didn’t let me stop there.

“Kelly… who’s responsible for how children turn out?”

I answered easily—parents.

“And where did the fathers come from?”

That’s when the truth hit me like a wave of holy fire.

Something happened to the boys, and the women were responsible in some way!

I had spent years working with trauma, decoding body language, helping people map their emotional scars. And I began asking the uncomfortable question: What shaped these men into perpetrators of violence and detachment?

After already diving down the rabbit holes of the transgender experience and being convinced that mutilating a genital for the sake of affirming a feeling caused emotional, physical, and mental issues, my gangster Soul showed me circumcision was a major driving factor in male behavior.

It’s a word that instantly polarizes. But let’s pause and just consider. What happens to a baby boy when, within days of birth, his most sensitive organ is cut—often without anesthesia, often without his mother present, often in a room built so no one can hear his screams?

What happens to his nervous system? To his psyche? To his relationship with touch, safety, love, and pleasure?

Circumcision is normalized in many religious and cultural frameworks—Christian, Jewish, Islamic, and Western medical. In fact, some of the countries with the highest circumcision rates also lead in violence, warfare, and sexual abuse. That’s not just coincidence. That’s correlation begging to be examined.

Even if a man hasn’t been circumcised, he’s likely been raised in a culture surrounded by men who have. By men whose earliest memories—though pre-verbal—include violation, pain, and a loss of bodily autonomy.

As a body language reader and trauma healer, I’ve seen how early imprints shape a person’s worldview. Desensitize a boy, and he becomes a man detached from his body. Detached from his body, he becomes a man detached from others. From empathy. From healthy sexual expression. From life itself.

Add testosterone—nature’s fire—and without a safe outlet, that energy doesn’t disappear. It turns to aggression. It turns to power struggles. It turns to sexual violence. Unless it’s guided.

And here’s the thing—the masculine was never meant to lead alone.

In divine design, the masculine brings his energy to the feminine, not in domination but in co-mission—to protect life, create structure, and support the unfolding of beauty. The feminine is the blueprint, the inner compass, the purpose. When the masculine is separated from that divine submission, he becomes unmoored. Violent. Directionless.

But we also have to talk about the mothers. The women. The feminine.

Because in order for circumcision to continue, a mother must be convinced to silence her instinct. To ignore the primal scream of her newborn. To believe the lie that this is for his good. And so the cycle continues: the feminine energy—once fierce and protective—is disconnected from her truth.

So here we are, in a society where men are desensitized, and women have been taught to suppress their sensitivity. And we wonder why we’re all lost.

This is not about blame. This is about restoration.

It’s about restoring the feminine to her rightful seat of embodied wisdom. It’s about restoring the masculine to his sacred mission of protection, creation, and purpose. And it starts by asking the question that no one wants to ask:

What happened to the boys?

We’re being asked to listen to the cries that were silenced.

To honor the sacred masculine by restoring what has been cut away—literally, emotionally, spiritually. To see the aggression not as the root, but the symptom of an interrupted blueprint… a boy who was taught to conquer instead of connect.

This is the conversation I’ll be bringing into our next Source Code inside The Sanctuary—an abridged version of my circumcision training, exploring the physical, emotional, relational, and societal imprints of this early violence.

We’ll hold it all.

The realities.

The grief.

The root causes.

And the possibility of repair.

This is a space for truth-telling and transmutation. For questions. For reclamation. For those who know we cannot restore the family without restoring the sacred masculine first.

📿 Mark your calendar. Source Code for this is April 15, 9am MST. Be there live.

Because this dialogue is the blueprint for the restoration.